Chastity: 6 SIMPLE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
Is chastity the same thing as abstinence?
No. Abstinence is defined as what a person is not doing (in other words, no sex). Chastity is a virtue and is different because it is defined as what a person is doing with his or her sexuality. There are married couples who have sex and are chaste. But if I heard that a guy is abstinent, that wouldn’t tell me much about him. Maybe he can’t find a date
Is chastity the same thing as virginity?
Not at all. Virginity concerns our sexual history, but chastity is not concerned with the past. Chastity is a virtue that exists only in the present. Saint Augustin was not a virgin, but became a chaste man. There are also virgins that aren’t chaste. Being chaste means much more than not having sex (and as I said before, if you’re married, it includes having sex!).
Is sex bad?
We’ve all been told since we were young that we shouldn’t have sex because sex is bad, sex is a sin and if you have sex you’re going to hell. But what kind of answer is that? It is not repression nor guilt nor fear that motivates people to live chastity; it is the desire for real love, an authentic love that you can only have by living chastity. What we need to hear is the truth about the goodness and beauty of sex and God’s plan for love. Sex isn’t bad, sex is really good. It was God who created sex. Chaste people wait not because sex is bad, but because real love is so good and so special. Throughout my life I have met many married couples that didn’t practice chastity and I can assure you that not even ONE of those couples shared a love as generous, as kind, as great, as authentic as the love I see in the couples that practiced chastity. Love is measured by the sacrifices you make for the person you love. The more sacrifices you make the greater the love.
“Only the chaste woman and the chaste man are capable of real love”- Saint John Paul II
“Real love is demanding. I would fail in my mission if I did not tell you so.”- Pope John Paul II
“There is no place for selfishness-and no place for fear! Do not be afraid, then, when love makes demands. Do not be afraid when love requires sacrifice.” -Pope John Paul II
“Chastity is not a condemnation, it is a call to a better and deeper kind of love.”- Jason Evert
When are you ready to have sex?
Jason Evert has a good answer for this question:
“The easiest way to know if you are ready to have sex is to look at your left hand. If you do not see a wedding ring, you are not ready for sex.”
Some people say they will only have sex with the “right” person, someone they really love. But strong feelings of love do not make a person ready for sex. When you have sex outside of marriage you’re always fearing you might get pregnant, or fearing your parents find out you’re sexually active, or fearing getting STD’s, or fearing the other person is going to leave you, it is so stressful! Within marriage no such fears exist!
For girls: One of the problems is that many times a girl is willing to have sex with a guy to feel special and loved, while a guy is willing to pretend to love her and make her feel special in order to have sex with her. These girls compromise their standards to feel loved and special. But once the guy leaves, though, an emotional divorce takes place. A person’s heart is not made to be that close to a person and then separated.
For guys: “But I love this girl so much that I would give my life for her!” Many men say. But let’s be realistic, unless your girlfriend is involved with the Mafia no one is going to try to kill her any time soon. God doesn’t need you protect her from dying. He needs you to protect her from sin, to protect her purity and her soul, to sacrifice your desires to bring her closer to God. He needs you to lead her to heaven.
What does the Bible say about premarital sex?
1 Corinthians 6:
Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, …, will inherit the kingdom of God…The body, however, is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.
1 Thessalonians 4:
For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honour, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Should the church tell us not to have premarital sex?
Many people think that the Church shouldn’t have the authority to tell us to not have sex, but remember these verses from the Bible:
“He who hears you hears me, and he who rejects you rejects me”. -Luke 10:16
“Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven”. -Matthew 18:18
“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth” –John 16:13
God has established a Church to guide us to the truth. If we come to God with sincere and humble hearts, we will know the truth and be set free.
If you still don’t believe that God wants you to live chastity, be honest with yourself and be honest with God and ask Him. Go to a church and ask Him “What are your plans for my love life? What will make me happier?”
And remember: ”If God gives you the burden, God will give you the strength.”-Saint Josemaría Escrivá
“Love it will not betray you dismay or enslave you it will set you free”- Mumford & Sons