The ache of singleness can be a great pain for some of us on Valentine’s Day, especially if we have been single for too long or experienced a recent breakup. So I wrote this article hoping to ease your pain a little bit. Know that as you are reading these lines I am already praying for you!
Singleness is your choice.
We girls often blame God for being single thinking that the reason we don’t have a boyfriend now is because God isn’t listening to our prayers. But the truth is, singleness is a choice. Anyone can find a boyfriend nowadays. If you are single is because you don’t want just a boyfriend. You want someone special, someone that will do anything to make you happy, someone that you will want to make happy too… for as long as you both shall live. You want someone worth waiting for. That is why you’re single! It is your choice, not God’s.
You’re beautiful. Stop doubting your beauty and qualities.
You are not single because you’re not pretty enough or skinny enough or gracious enough. You are single because you haven’t met the right person… yet. Because God is working on both of you, preparing you for each other.
“She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her”| Proverbs 3:15
You are beautiful, you are made in His image and you are more than enough. And one day you will meet a person who will be sure that there isn’t any other person in this world as beautiful as you! You are beautiful! I am sorry if I am repeating myself but I don’t want you to read it, I want you to believe in it. There isn’t a person in this world with a set of qualities as yours, you are unique!
You are not too picky and your standards are not too high!
My mom is always telling me that horrible Portuguese saying of how you will end up with the wrong person if you are too picky (“Quem muito escolhe pouco acerta!”) But I think that it is much more likely that you will end up with the wrong person if you don’t have any standards.
I know, society is always telling you how you will never find a boyfriend if you don’t lower your standards, you probably heard already a thousand times (at least) that there isn’t a man willing to wait for marriage to have sex with you. But that’s the point! You don’t want a man who is ‘willing’ to wait but a man who will want to wait as well because he wants to love you properly and to lead you closer to God than to himself.
In my opinion, a man that doesn’t like a woman with standards is a man with no standards. Standards only scare away man who don’t have any.
Keep calm and leave it in God’s hands.
We always make that terrible mistake of thinking we know what is best for us and who is best for us. But you can’t know for sure what is best for you, can you? Thankfully, He can and He loves you so much that He wants to give you the best!
I’m talking about those moments in life when you meet a person and you think “there CAN’T be a better person for me!” but then things don’t work out… and you think “maybe I don’t deserve a person like that…” or “I will surely end up with someone worse or alone in a house full of cats”.
Next time that happens please remember that God doesn’t show you gold and gives you silver.
“She holds onto hope for He is forever faithful”| 1 Corinthians 1:9
Don’t settle. He doesn’t want to give you someone good. He doesn’t want to give you silver. If he shows you gold is because he wants to give you gold, he wants to give you the best person for you! And he is SO faithful! But you need to stop settling for less than you deserve, you need to show you trust Him and wait for that gold He promised you. If you leave it in God’s hands you will surely see God’s hands on it!
“Blessed is she who believed that the Lord would fulfil His promises to her”| Luke 1:45
Stop waiting for the right person and become the right person
I always tell my friends that the reason they haven’t met the right person yet is because one of them isn’t ready yet, and for some reason they all think that what I mean is that the ‘other’ person isn’t ready yet, that they already have everything that it takes to be a good spouse, but the ‘other’ person still needs to grow and become a better person. And that’s not what I mean. You, as me, need to work on yourself and become the best version of yourself. You will never reach a level where you don’t need to work on yourself anymore. You will never be perfect. There’s always a fault you need to correct and a virtue you need to grow on. Marriage is not a fairy tale, marriage is hard work. Marriage is tough, really tough. So the more virtues you bring into your family the easier will be to overcome difficulties.
“Instead of searching for the ideal man, become the ideal woman and let him come find you”. – Crystalina Evert
Pray for it.
When I realised that God had called me for the sacrament of marriage I also realised that for sure he had created someone that was ideal for me. Someone that would challenge me every day to become a better person and would lead me and our children to heaven. That someone may be in need of prayers right now, which is why I pray every day for him. I pray for his faith, for his family, for his struggles, for his intentions. I ask God to give him the graces he needs to be happy. Every day I ask God for specific things and know He is taking care of him, I know he is in good hands. You may need to wait until you meet your future husband, but you can start praying for both of you now, you can start loving him today.
"Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." | Psalm 37:4