Does he love me? I want to know. How can I tell if he loves me so?
I can tell you right away that it is not in his kiss. We’ve all been in that situation where a man tells you he loves you but his actions tell you he doesn’t. So, how do you know if he really loves you or if he thinks he loves you but he actually doesn’t? How do you know if it’s real and authentic love?
1) Does he say he loves you or does he show you he loves you?
Love is measured as the sacrifices you do for the person you love. So, what are the daily sacrifices that your boyfriend does for you? What does he give up to be with you and to make you happy? Write a list of all the sacrifices he has done for you in the last month. Even if he tells you the sweetest things you’ve ever heard and that you are the love of his life, words are worthless when they are incoherent with actions. Don’t listen to his words, watch his actions. Actions speak louder than words.
“Love between man and woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial.”| Saint John Paul II in Love and Responsibility
2) Does he respect you and your values?
One of the first things couples do when they start a relationship is talk about their values and how they want the other person to respect them. Has he failed to respect you? Does he find excuses to not respect your values, or worse… Does he blame you and your values for what’s going bad in your relationship? If he doesn’t respect you now, chances are that he never will. And a man who doesn’t respect you is a man who doesn’t love you.
For instance, for me, as a catholic, it is very important that a man will respect my religion and help me become a saint, even if he doesn’t share the same beliefs. I know very easily if a man loves me or not, if a man is good for me or not. I ask myself: Does he lead me closer to God or does he drive me away from God? If he drives me away from God I can know for sure that this relationship is not what God has in store for me.
“The right relationship won’t distract you from God. It will bring you closer to Him”| Jason Evert
3) Is your life better since you started dating him? Does he bring joy to your life?
I am not talking about emotions. Of course when we are in love there are moments when we feel a great joy. But I am talking about him doing things that bring joy to your life like help you with your problems and tasks, or cheer you up when you’re feeling down, or being strong where you are weak.
4) Does he make an effort to be friends with your friends and to get to know better your family?
If this man is going to marry you one day, you will share most of your moments together; Christmas with your family, dinner with your friends, etc. What are the efforts he makes to get to know better your friends and family?
5) Does he give you things expecting something in return? Does he make you feel used?
Some people say that Love is Give and Take, but that’s not Love, the word for it is Selfishness. Love is give. Period. When you love you give without measure and without expecting anything in return. If he gives you presents but then he asks you to give him something in return or pressures you to think that you should give him something in return, then he is just using you. And a girl knows when she is being used.
“Intense love does not measure… It just gives” | Mother Theresa
“A person's rightful due is to be treated as an object of love, not as an object for use.”| Saint John Paul II in Love and Responsibility
6) Last but not least… The best way to know if someone loves you is by answering this simple question: Does he put your needs before his? Does he put your happiness and what is best for you before his happiness?
Real love consists on putting the other person’s needs before yours. Does he do that? Does he want more your happiness than his own happiness? In your conversations, does he talk more about himself and his problems or does he worry more about you and your needs?
“Love consists of a commitment which limits one's freedom - it is a giving of the self, and to give oneself means just that: to limit one's freedom on behalf of another.”| Saint John Paul II in Love and Responsibility
These are some of the questions you need to answer in order to know if he loves you or not. Crystalina evert once said that “it is not weakness to desire love. The weakness is when we settle for less than love”. If you desire real love in your life, you need to open space for that. Remember “it is better to be disappointed in men than to be disappointed in yourself for settling for a guy who is only half the man that you deserve”| Jason Evert